What a familiar refrain, it’s romantic and decisive; but what if it didn’t matter? What if some things are simply out of your reach no matter how much you desire it? I’m the biggest proponent of going out into the world to fight for what you want, but there are times when fighting, no matter how valiant, is useless.
I was gently reminded of that fact on the eve of my birthday earlier this week; that just because an opportunity presents itself doesn’t mean that it will end favorably. Realizing that fact is probably the most pertinent; otherwise, you will allow yourself to drift into a state of delusion.
“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.”
– Khalil Gibran
To be denied something as simple as an answer to a long-held question can knock the wind out of you; leaving you confused and stunned and asking why? It can cause you to turn inward and start inventing shortcomings and doubts about the one person that you should know best…..yourself.
The truth of the matter is that whenever another person is added to the equation, things become more complex. Neither personal stamina nor perseverance can be the determining factor as to whether or not you can resolve an issue. There is another person or cosmic event out of your control that has to be factored in, thereby limiting your ability to resolve the issue on your own.
So, how do you (fully acknowledging this terrible gut-punch) move on in spite of it? First, you must accept the fact that you can’t and shouldn’t control the actions of others. You have to respect the fact that everyone has free-will and the right to exercise it. No one is promised a happy ending or closure. It would be nice to have, but ultimately, we don’t get a say in whether it happens or not.
“When there is no wind … ROW!”
– Latin Proverb
I do believe that everything has a season and a reason. Sometimes, we will never totally understand the why’s of our lives, but they exist to serve a higher purpose. I believe that purpose takes the form of lessons that must be heeded to. However, one must be open to learning those lessons and to resist countering them because it does little for the soul except to cause more pain.
A few weeks ago, I posted my top 5 favorite poems. Among them was “After Awhile” by Veronica Shoffstall and I think it’s more than apropos here:
After a while you learn the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning,
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts,
and present’s aren’t promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead…
With the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child.
And you learn
To build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much…
So, you plant your own garden,
and decorate your own soul…
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
you really are strong,
you really do have worth.
And you learn, and you learn…
with every goodbye,
Realize that just because someone denies you the privilege of knowing “why?” doesn’t mean that life stops in its tracks. You will now need to write an alternative ending to that story; the one that ends in a different reality. You have not been diminished in any way. Dust yourself off and move on because in the end, you will have no other choice. Your heart will ache, but it hasn’t been crushed. One of the inevitabilities of life is to feel rejected, unaccepted and worthless, but those feelings are always temporary. They will go away and you will come through this a wiser, more thoughtful, person.
All is not lost, the only thing missing…….. is what should be.